


'In Flagrante: Eye Witness Accounts of the Murder Husbands' Sordid Passions,’ by Freddie Lounds

by AVegetarianCannibal



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Crack, Exhibitionism, M/M, Murder Husbands, Original Character(s), POV Multiple, Public Sex, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-17 13:07:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10594650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AVegetarianCannibal/pseuds/AVegetarianCannibal
Summary: Freddie Lounds writes a tell-all book about Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter's semi-public sex life.





	1. A Prologue by Freddie Lounds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tiberius_Tibia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiberius_Tibia/gifts).



 

As TattleCrime.com's founder, editor, and most intrepid reporter, I spent many years digging deep into every detail of the Murder Husbands' lives. For the first time ever, Dear Reader, this now includes explicit details of their love life together.  My journey began long before I had the brilliance and insight to give them their marital nicknames, back when they were simply Dr. Hannibal Lecter and FBI consultant Will Graham.

What follows are the interviews and first-hand accounts gleaned from court documents, old-fashioned sleuthing, timely eavesdropping, and journalistic extrapolation.

Thanks to my meticulous record-keeping and incredible foresight stemming from the very early days of my investigation, I have also been able to reconstruct accounts from even those poor souls who have since passed from this mortal realm. I like to think of this as my gift to them, enabling them to speak to us from beyond the grave, a duty which I will not shirk from, no matter how many times their relatives sue me.

\-- _Freddie Lounds_


	2. Jack Crawford

_(former head of the Behavioral Sciences Unit of the FBI)_

I found Graham and Lecter in some pretty compromising positions over the years, and for the first five of those years, it was somewhat easy to dismiss or discount what I'd seen. Did I ever think they were in love? Did I think they were actually involved in some kind of... _romance_? No. Like I said, I dismissed the possibility at first.

Early on, we were called in on an investigation that turned out to be nothing. We didn't know that at the time, so we pursued every avenue that was professionally available to us. I'm a stickler for the rules, as anyone who knows me can attest.

Anyway.

In the course of our investigation, Graham and Lecter took on undercover roles. Nothing too rigorous, mind you---it was all approved by the higher ups at the time. They pretended to meet each other as strangers at...let's call them adult bookstores, although there weren't a lot of books on the shelves.

Their cover names were Jim and Heinrich. That's neither here nor there, but I just remembered that.

One night at one of these "bookstores," our Jim and Heinrich, fearing their cover was about to be blown, had to act out a... an _amorous_ scenario, in one of the back rooms.

Did I see this for myself? No, no I didn't. I read the account in both of the reports they filed. Everything was on the up and up, completely professional. Sometimes, under cover, you have to fake certain things to maintain that cover.


	3. Paulie Kenworth

_(former night shift manager at_ 24 Hour Bangin' Books _in Vienna, VA)_

 

Yeah, I kept up with all that trial coverage for Hannibal the Cannibal. That FBI boss guy, John Crawford? He said that cannibal guy and the prettyboy with the hair were "faking" stuff for their "cover." Of course nobody knew he was a cannibal at the time, but whatever. They weren’t faking.

Listen, I walked in on their booth because they were raising such a ruckus that the other customers were complaining. They were making the other customers, uh, self-conscious about their own... _skill levels_ , I guess you'd say.

So I saw it with my own eyes. There ain't no faking like that. I've seen a lot of porn in my day, I know what fake looks like, believe me. They were kissin' as much as they were humpin', for starters. It took them at least ten minutes to even realize I was standing there. I'm not a perv, or anything, but I take customer complaints seriously and I wanted to be sure of what I was seeing.

What was I seeing? Love. Love and destruction of property. The plywood in those booths wasn't meant for that kind of use. I sent an invoice to the FBI for $78. I could have made it an even $80, but I don't nickel and dime people. They never paid up, by the way. But that cannibal guy mailed me a check for 200 bucks with a handwritten note: "For your troubles." I know he killed and ate a lot of people, but he had class.

 


	4. Jimmy Price

( _former coworker_ )

 

Did I know there was something going on between Hannibal and Will? Well, not from the very, _very_ start. I had my suspicions pretty early on, though. Jack Crawford had given us all a little “talking-to” about not trying to make Will Graham look us in the eyes or something like that. Like he was some kind of skittish animal who'd bolt.

Anyway, I couldn't help but notice he and the good doctor---or, rather, the incredibly _bad_ doctor, though we didn't know at the time---they were always making googly eyes at each other.

I'm a hopeless romantic, and it made even _me_ a little bit ill sometimes, if I'm being perfectly honest with you.

All right, maybe it was just a twinge of jealousy on my part eating away at my insides like I’d swallowed a lump of hot coal.

Speaking of hot, though...

Like I said, I just had my suspicions. Nothing concrete. Then one day I went to get something out of the locker room, and there they were in the emergency shower, going at it like they were on their honeymoon. They hadn't even taken their clothes off all the way, do you know? Like they couldn't even wait _that_ long!

I know the polite thing would have been to back out and let them finish, but I _shrieked_ with laughter. I sounded like a shocked hyena.

It startled them and hands went everywhere. There were genitals flopping around like hot dogs tumbling off an upended barbecue grill. Hannibal stepping on Will's feet, or Will stepping on Hannibal's feet---I wasn't really paying much attention to their _feet_ by this point. Someone bumped the shower nozzle and it just... _drenched_ the both of them...from head to toe and parts between.

I had to lend them some old lab coats so they could escape back to their cars. 

The images are seared into my brain, let me tell you. I thank God _and_ Satan for giving me a look at that big, naked Lithuanian man.


	5. Brian Zeller

( _former colleague_ )

Ah, the infamous "emergency shower" incident. No, I didn't see that one for myself. Jimmy called me right after, though, and asked me to go clubbing with him. I think it got him a little worked up, you know? We didn't go clubbing, but we did go to a bar. He went through three Long Island iced teas telling me about what he'd seen. He compared seeing their dicks flopping around to hot dogs falling out of a barbecue---which, knowing what we know now, was pretty damned fitting. I _told_ everyone the Ripper was making sausage! I _told_ them!

But you want to know about the times I did see them getting it on. Yes, I saw it happen more than once. Were they exhibitionists? Or did they just happen to do it  _so many times_ that just by the law of averages I was bound to catch them?

The first time was when I was staking out an adult bookstore for a case that ended up going nowhere. The two of them were posing as strangers who just happened to meet at a glory hole, see? And I know what you're thinking, but this was an entirely different incident than the one Jack Crawford knows about. _That_ one was in Virginia. I'm talking about a place here in Maryland. I don't remember the name of it except that it had the word "cowboy" in it.

At the time, I didn't report what I'd seen to Jack because first, I'm not a cock blocker. And second, I thought Graham and Lecter were just faking it for their roles. I only saw Graham from behind---he has a surprisingly hairy ass crack, by the way---presumably sticking his dick through the hole in the partition. 

The other time I saw them was outside this farm. Things were _weird_ on that case. There were people inside horses, birds inside of people... Nothing has ever been that weird since. Anyway, it was nighttime, we were just wrapping everything up, and I went back into the stables to get something I'd left behind. That's when I saw the two of them---Graham and Lecter---getting it on in one of the horse stalls. 

Graham was sticking it to Lecter and Lecter's there going on about, like, moths or something? Like something about chrysalises? And Graham goes, "I will put a horse bit in your mouth if you don't stop that," and Lecter goes, "Do you promise?" So Graham slapped him on the flank like he was a naughty pony and, let me tell you, that Lecter freak  _loved it_.

I hightailed it back to my car. I didn't want to be around if they started neighing or shit like that.

Man, I miss Beverly. I wish I could have talked to her about it. Anyway, Jimmy and I went clubbing that night.


	6. Beverly Katz

( _former colleague, deceased_ )

 

Freddie Lounds is writing this for me, Beverly Katz, seeing as how I'm dead, thanks to Hannibal "The Chesapeake Ripper" Lecter. I'm sure she'll do a true and faithful job and I wish my family, the Katzes, would stop suing her all the time. Especially stop suing her for trying to create a TV show about my afterlife, called _Beverly Katz:_   _Ghost Agent._ It's a very respectful, creative, and lucrative idea.

I heard about one of the "adult bookstore" incidents from Brian Zeller, and heard about the other one accidentally when Jack Crawford was reporting to his superiors. He said it was part of their cover, but he was getting push-back from the bosses because Graham wasn't green-lit for undercover work, and neither was Lecter. But they both fit the profile for the case we were working on, so Crawford eventually got clearance. The FBI didn't exactly run a tight ship, especially back then.

Naturally, I told Jimmy and Brian about the conversation I'd overheard. I mean, apparently Graham and Lecter broke a wall while they were screwing like overgrown rabbits! How could I not dish about that? That's when Jimmy told me about the emergency shower thing, and Brian told me about the  _other_ bookstore bang-a-thon.

My first instinct was to give the new lovebirds some space, of course, but I got over that. I decided to throw a dinner party at my place---not specifically in their honor, but I invited them. I thought I'd just give them the opportunity to introduce themselves to us as a couple if they wanted to. No pressure. I wasn't even planning to ask any pointed questions or make any sneaky jokes, and I said as much to Jimmy and Brian. I left it up to them to make any cracks, if they so chose.

Well, there we all were in my living room, having some nice wine and cheese and being regaled by Jimmy's obscure factoids. I heard one car pull up outside, then another one less than a minute later. Time went by, nobody came to the door. I waited like 15 minutes or so, then looked out the window. Both their cars were in the driveway, so I went out there to see what the holdup was.

There the two of them were---the lovebirds---crammed inside Lecter's Bentley. A Bentley is a pretty spacious car... _until_ you stick two full-grown men inside and they're both trying to get on their knees at the same time.

I saw Lecter's full Lithuanian moon pressed up against the window with his jacket up around his waist. It was like they were playing semi-naked twister. I remembered what Jimmy had said about the two of them not even waiting to take all their clothes off. 

When I went back inside, I told Jimmy and Brian, but I kept it from Alana Bloom and Jack. Alana had this policy about not wanting to know too much about Will Graham, and Jack... Well, I just didn't want to tell him. I thought he might try to put a stop to things for the work's sake. 


	7. Jack Crawford, Revisited

( _I offered Jack Crawford a chance to respond after showing him the previous chapters -- F.L._ )

 

All right! All right! I should have known something  _real_ was going on between Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter. In hindsight, it was plainly obvious. I explained it to myself as part of the job---they were working undercover on the bookstore case.

Even towards the end, I found it easy to overlook certain things. I haven't told anyone this, not my previous bosses, not the law---nobody. I shouldn't even tell you know, but screw it. I just got turned down for a management trainee job at Target. I've got nothing to lose by coming clean about what I know...about what I have  _seen_.

When Graham came to visit Lecter in his cell, it was to get back into a certain mindset to help us out on the Tooth Fairy case. Everything was supervised, of course. There was a camera in there. and the meetings were monitored.  _I_ was monitoring them. At first, I couldn't see what they were doing. They were standing there, facing each other, close up against that Plexiglas. It looked like they were talking. But then I noticed their breath was fogging up the surface between them. I noticed their arms were kind of making a jerking motion...in unison.

Those sons of bitches were jerking themselves off together. They were _mutually masturbating_ in front of everyone to see. Alana [Verger-Bloom] and I looked at each other like, "Are you seeing this shit right now?" She said we should stop them. I said Will was just playing along, winning back Lecter's trust. By then, it was obvious that Lecter had a thing for Will Graham, but I didn't realize it was mutual. I still didn't realize.

I didn't want to realize.


	8. Afterword, by Freddie Lounds

Well, there you have it, dear readers.

The Murder Husbands couldn't keep their hot, tawdry love affair a secret, even from Jack Crawford, eventually. I myself have caught the infamous cannibal canoodlers  _in flgrante delicto_ more than a few times, but I'll save the lurid details for my next book,  _In Flagrante 2: Even More Eye Witness Accounts of the Murder Husbands' Sordid Passions._

If you've seen them recently, alive and well and amorous despite the FBI's official stance that they're dead, please get in touch with me. And please, for the love of everything tattle-worthy, _don't_ forget to take a few pictures.

 

\-- Freddie Lounds

 

**Author's Note:**

> @caligularib asked for Hannibal and Will getting caught gettin' it on in public, pre-Murder Husbands, as well as pretending to get it on in order to evade getting caught. The idea that came to me was a tell-all book by Freddie Lounds...


End file.
